Like a bridge over troubled waters...

Or a troubled bridge over waters.

We finally got to Weslaco (no thanks to the stupid GPS) and found International Drive. Sounds more impressive than it is... you're thinking something like the United Nations. No - just four lane freeway through a bunch of gas stations/convenience stores and a couple of hotels and fast food joints. The Best Westeran Palm Aire that we are staying at is at Mile 7 North and International Drive - which means we are seven miles north of the border. We head straight for the border (just like Taco Bell tells you to do) and drive through some of the most interesting and varied landscape that we have ever seen. Lots of run down buildings and houses - and then in the middle of nowhere, a MANSION that looks like Oprah lives there or something. At first, I thought that it was the country club house for the golf course next door, but then saw the golf club building - concrete block painted beige. It's public. Didn't see Tiger or Jack or Arnie, but I guess they might be busy somewhere else.

We got to the border and crossed over without hitting any pedestrians (who tend to just walk out right in front of cars). We did as Redbeard had instructed, and pulled off to the right for the immigration and automobile permit building. We went inside and a kinda nice woman processed our automobile permit... and we had to speak only Spanish because they like to pretend that they don't know English. Anyway, we got that done, while the dogs were in the car, behaving very nicely, and asked about getting our passports and FMs stamped - and she told us we had to go to immigration, but that we could do that tomorrow morning on the way into Mexico. At that point, we were tired and confused and not thinking clearly, so we left, drove into Progreso, which is the Mexican half of Weslaco, and drove around a couple of blocks there getting turned around. We went back over the bridge and got to the US checkpoint and the nice guard asked us about the dogs, how long we had been in Mexico, what were we doing, where were we going... we (stupidly) kept answering honestly - well, we just got our auto import sticker and tomorrow we're going to get our FM3s done and passports stamped and then we're driving down to Akumal to stay for three months... This guy let us through. We drove about half way back to the hotel when we decided that we should just find out what we needed to do to get the FM3s stamped and all of our paperwork done, like Redbeard had told us to do, and Shirley had too. So, we make a U-y (obviously not done much in Texas because people honk at you when you do) and went back to the office on the Mexican side, paying the $2 toll again. Go inside and asked the woman who did our car cert about the FM3s and she directed us down a hallway. We went into an office there and an older woman with frizzy hair and glasses (think Rosanne Rosanadana) is sitting there -YIKES!!!!!!!!! This is the woman that Redbeard warned us about! She hates Americans, and she hates to do any work, and she REALLY hates to do any work for Americans! So, I ask her in my best polite Spanish if she can process our passports and FM3s, and hand them to her, acting all humble and respectful (yes, I CAN do it and I should have an Oscar for this performance!) and she looks at them and starts turning the pages and sits there for about five minutes repeating this, and just when I am getting nervous, tells me in Espanol muy rapido, that they don't process FM3s at that office and that we have to go down to Reynosa, which is about "diez minutos a la izquierda" ... by this time it's almost 5:00 so we figure we aren't going to get there before the office closes (just so you know, they close at 6:00). So, we get back in the car (dogs doing fine and not dead from heat exhaustion) and make a new game plan. We'll go back to the hotel, spend the night, get up in the morning and go back to Weslaco and see if there is a different agent there that might be more helpful - heck, just helpful would be good - and if not, then go to Reynosa and see if they can do the FM3s there - and if not there, then go into dreaded Brownsville (they weren't allowed to name it Shitsville). We decide to spend another night at the "resort" and we will head off to Mexico on Sunday.

So, we leave the immigration office and drive into Progreso again, hang a u-ie at the end of the bridge, and go back over to the US side. At the toll booth (these people must have had training in San Francisco - pay to get in and out!), we get "randomly" selected by the computer for a car search - after they have our California IDs and have asked us about 20 questions about California (fortunately, none of them were "And what do you think of our President, George Bush?") - and have asked us three times what we were doing in Mexico. Seems that if you cross the border more than once in an hour, you MUST be a drug dealer, or a smuggler or something... so off to the side we go and I have to take all four dogs out of the car. One of the (not so) nice guards points me over to a bench underneath a tree and tells me to take the dogs there "in case they have to go." I told him they just went and he insists that I take them over there, which is about 30 yards away from our car. Bob follows me and I'm yelling at him in a hissing voice (so they can't hear my yell) "Get back to the car and watch them!" At this point, all I can think is that a) they are going to plant drugs in the car and "find" them in the search and b) since we were being good Americans, trusting our government workers and being honest, that we told them that we got our car permit and that they would know that we had the title to the car in it and c) they are going to seize the car and we are going to be carless with four dogs, but most importantly, all of my favorite outfits that I just had to have with me for three months are going to be gone!!! They finished inspecting the car and then asked us again, for the fourth time now, the same questions that they had asked before: where are we going, what were we doing in Mexico, how long did we stay, what was the purpose of our visit, when are we leaving... finally, they let us leave. So, the next time that you are dealing with the government, just remember - it could be worse. You could be dealing with the incompetent power monsters in the US government and the bullies in the Mexican government, all in the same hour.

After that adventure, we just headed back to the hotel and got checked in. I went out to get some refreshing beverages but none of the gas stations/food marts (there are no grocery stores in Weslaco, not to be confused with there are no Winkies in Wilmerding) sell wine, and I just really wanted a glass of white wine, so I asked one of the nice young boys at the Texaco where I could find wine and he directed me to Holiday Spirits, about two miles west on 83. This place rocks! They have tons of wine, and some of it is even good! You walk in and get a personal escort to help you with your selections (and I'm sure also to make sure that none of the bottles crawl up under your shirt and try to hitchhike home with you), and they have tons of tequila, bourbon, vodka, gin... you name it. I got some Sutter Home Chardonnay (buy local even when you're not) and a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon for Bob and back to the hotel I went. We (I) fed the dogs and put them in the bedroom and went over to the restaurant for dinner - I had a Mexican plate with two tacos, an empanada and two cheese enchiladas, garlic mashed potatoes and potato soup... YUM!!! Bob had tampiquena (which he says "smashed meat") and neither of us could eat the whole thing. $8.95 each. Gas here is $2.50 =/- a gallon. While we were eating, about 8 guys in cowboy hats came in and started talking about the hunting they were going to do the next day. We had to leave (before I started a fight) so we came back to the room and watched some TV. I fell asleep on the sofa and Bob woke me up to go into bed... which I did. Then, at 1:30 (on the clock), the alarm went off AGAIN - this time just a loud blaring beeping. You'd thing that we would have had the foresight to check the alarm clock, but no! We don't live and learn, we just live. I turned it off and went back to sleep for the rest of the night.

Saturday's adventures follow...